Part Three: It wasn’t logic, it was love

Confesh-sesh #6: Maybe the reason I have such shit luck with love is because my mom swept my foot with a broom when I was little…

The following events, are based on true events. Very loosely based, this isn’t my autobiography. Dafuq you think it is? Like I said in my previous post, I’d be changing some details of the events for confidentiality’s sake blah blah. What’s not censored is the raw emotion that’s gunna be coming at you hot and heavy.

I’m PMSing and I have twice the normal hormones coursing through my body. So if you’re ready to join me on the beginning of the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life and probably yours, fasten your seatbelts ‘cuz here we go.

*    *    *    *

I looked at myself in the mirror, my face was made, a dark smokey eye with red lips, my hair was in an up-do. The black dress embellished with rhinestones clung to my body. I was surprisingly pleased at the reflection staring back at me. I spun around ready to pick up my clutch and head out the door when someone covered my eyes. I jumped. The room was empty. My heart immediately began pounding, I felt my body quiver as he pressed himself against me and brushed his lips against my ear, “You look beautiful.” I felt a smile spread across my face. He moved his hands from my face and wrapped them around me, I felt giddy. He planted a kiss on my cheek and I could see him motioning as if he were about to say something else. I turned around and looked him in the face.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP. A blaring noise filled the room. I saw him fade from my vision. Fuck. This alarm clock. I’m late.

*    *    *    *

I’ve had many dreams like this throughout my life. That feeling I’d get when around this mystery man, I’d never experienced in real life. Not yet anyway. I always counted it as ‘those things from a dream’, this didn’t exist in real life. Right? Wrong…

*    *    *    *

There are some moments in life no matter how hard you try or what you do, you can’t forget them. It’s burnt into your brain. Like if it literally just happened. This was one of those moments.

I mentioned in my previous post that I had just started a new rotation in school in a new place with my best friend. Let’s call her G for simplicity. G and I were on a mission, we had certain assignments to do and we set mini goals to get each of them done at a certain time. Little did I know how this assignment was about to change everything in my life, for multiple reasons. Number one being it was kinda gross and two, it led me directly to him.

*    *    *    *

G and I stood in this small, cramped room waiting for someone senior to come in to supervise us. We did this on dummies a thousand times, we were totally ready to get our hands dirty on a real person. We were going over the steps to each other and gathering everything we needed. Then I heard his voice.

I had no idea who this man was. All I knew was that the instant I heard his voice saying, “Bring in the patient.” my heart started pounding. OK, I told myself, maybe I was nervous about the procedure. That’s definitely it. G seemed composed as usual. I didn’t look to see whose voice had adrenaline pulsing through me like that. I just focused on steadying my hands.

Step 1, wash hands
Step 2, set up sterile field.
Step 3, sterile gloves.
Step 4…

I looked up.

 *    *    *    *

There he was, all 6ft of him. My heart pounded so loud I swear everyone in the room could hear it. What the fuck was happening? He was not the first guy I’ve seen, why was I shaking? He certainly wasn’t the most good looking guy I’ve ever seen either, yet he was having this effect on me that guys 10 times cuter than him never had. I’m sick. Something had to be wrong with me. I’ve never experienced that before.

It was the first time I’ve ever seen this person in my life, yet I felt a strange familiarity to him. There was something pulling me towards him. What the actual shit? I looked at G, she was in her zone, unaffected. So it’s not something in the air. Great.

*    *    *    *

G started to talk to him. I stared at her, my jaw dropped. She knew him. I tried to get my shit together. Then he looked at me, for the first time in my life I was speechless. What the frickoty frack was happening to me? He smiled. Goddammit. That smile, with his left lateral incisor slightly more inward than his central incisor. His two front teeth, ever so slightly protruding over his lip, and his eyes almost closing. I felt the breath leave my chest as my heart skipped 10 beats. I need to get out of here I thought.

*    *    *    *

He introduced himself, we’d call him Mr. Annihilator for the purposes of this dramatization. I wish I could say that this was a huge exaggeration but it wasn’t. I felt all of these things the first time I met him. I often wish I could do anything not to be in that room at that time, and that I never met him.

Bad Bish Lesson Two : Wishes don’t come true.

*    *    *    *

Mr. A offered to show us the procedure on the patient. I said, ‘no thank you’ like a big putz and insisted that G goes with him. I decided to go with someone else who was having less of an effect on the misfiring of my nerves. All I could think at that time was WTF WTF WTF!

*    *    *    *

Finally, after what seemed like the longest 15 minutes of my life, we left that room. “G! Who the hell is that guy and how do you know him?” was all I could manage to get out of my now dry throat. She began to explain to me who he was, quite unbothered, and gave me a small history lesson on him. I dismissed everything that I felt. It was an anomaly. I was probably hungry. My body does inexplicable things when I’m hungry. “Let’s get food.”

*    *    *    *

Naturally, the normal thing one does when you meet someone new is to social media stalk them. G knew Mr. A and a lot of his friends so she had them all on Instagram. I casually asked her to show me their profiles to which she obviously obliged because what else were we gunna do? Study? I think not. In the midst of going through his Instagram, which had not a single picture of him so we had to go on other people’s profile to see his tagged pictures, I blurted out, “He is SO cute!” G looked at me with utter shock and dismay on her face, “Girl, are we looking at the same pictures?” One thing we always loved about our friendship is that our taste in men differed sometimes, this made it super easy for us. Hot gyal nah fight over man no, TB to Mr. Vegas 2010.

*    *    *    *

The next couple days at school, I looked out for him but did not see him. I was slightly disappointed but relieved at the same time. Until, I finally forgot about him. The universe is a really evil fucker, because that’s exactly when he showed up.

*    *    *    *

G and I were gathering information on the far side of one room. Our backs were to the door. We were at least 10 feet away. There were numerous people coming in and out, the regular bustle of the day. We were unaffected by this until again, I heard that voice. I froze and grabbed G’s hand. My heart was audibly racing again. My cheeks felt hot, I could feel it flushing. I grinned from ear to ear. She looked at me, “SERIOUSLY, what’s wrong with you?” I turned around to see him in his green scrubs, and nodded my head in his direction. “NO. You have got to be kidding me. Really?” Before I could give her an answer, I felt my feet taking off. In the opposite direction. If I could have ran away, I would have probably done that too.

*    *    *    *

By this time, I realized I was crushing like a high school girl. Unattractive. I would look for every excuse to bump into him and ask him some pointless question or any excuse to talk to him period. He was a friendly guy so he made this easy. As time went by, I noticed him doing the same. It was like old friends reuniting after a long time. It was weird AF. We would sit in the common room and talk and laugh about absolute nonsense. He even caught me dead asleep because whatever I was reading bored me, so picture this person on a chair, holding a book on her lap, head rolled back and mouth open drooling on herself. He didn’t wake me but he did take the most embarrassing picture of me. Our friendship blossomed.

*    *    *    *

My time there was coming to a quick end, I had to go to another city to get a different geographic exposure. We decided that we’d all go for ice cream, him, G and I, to officially conclude the end of a good rotation. I was beyond thrilled about this. We got into his car, the red mobile. I insisted that G sit in front because I doubted that he was interested in me. I was convinced he was into G and was being nice to me because I was her friend. I sat in the backseat, looking at his arms gripping the staring wheel. Those fucking tattoos. Made me feel some type-ah way lemme tell you.  He was everything I swore I’d never want in my life, yet here I was getting teary eyed at the fact that I may never see him again after that week. I shook the feeling. I noticed him looking back into the rear view mirror. My cheeks flushed and I smiled at him. I could feel my heart pounding. If you guys look at Jane the virgin, you know when her chest would light up? I swear that was actually happening to me.

*    *    *    *

At the ice cream place I noticed him looking at me, mind over matter I thought. I saw him laugh at me when I got excited for my coloured sprinkles and my blue ice cream that turned my entire mouth blue. We talked a bit, then he insisted we try these burgers from the burger cart outside. Of course, if it was an excuse to spend more time with him, I agreed without hesitation. We stood outside, smiling at each other like 2 of the biggest dopes you’ve ever seen. G was on her phone, not paying much attention to either of us. Then he leaned in…

*    *    *    *

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! These thoughts started running through my head. It was a brain avalanche. Is he going to kiss me? I didn’t imagine these emotions, oh my GOD, how’s my breath, my heart is pounding how do I stop it? I smiled at him, with these thoughts running a mile a second in my head, he came closer, my body was shaking, why does this feel like an hour has passed and we’re both frozen in this position. From the corner of my eye I saw G put her phone down and she had the most excited but shocked look on her face. He came closer yet again, my goofy grin plastered across my face, he licked my cheek and smiled and turned away. I melted. I thought my ice cream was melting in my hands, nope, turns out that was me.

*    *    *    *

I looked at G and started dancing, his back was still turned so he had no idea what was going on behind there. We started jumping up and down. He turned around and we both acted like nothing just happened. My stomach was doing somersaults. I’m no gymnast but my stomach was a gold medallist that night. On the way back to the car, he asked me to sit in front. MY. LIFE. WAS. MADE.

*    *    *    *

I kept my cool for the entire drive, although I was screaming on the inside. What was this feeling? I’ve had crushes before, I’ve had boyfriends before, there was nothing that ever made me feel this way before. What was happening?! He dropped us off to our apartment, I lingered in the car, I looked at him and I smiled, we both leaned in, then I said, “See you tomorrow.” I ran upstairs to G. We called our other bestie who unfortunately wasn’t with us. All three of us were screaming. Our neighbours probably thought it was Texas chainsaw massacre in there. In retrospect, if that were true, we’d be dead ‘cuz they never came to check on us. Fuckers.

*    *    *    *

I was on cloud 9; this was the first time in my life when reality seemed better than my dreams. I could not wait to see him again. I got up and got cute for school, something I never did. G and I did everything we had to and then went to the area we’d usually meet up. We had to be there anyway. Then he walked in. The smile involuntarily broke out on my face. Ugh. Way to play it cool assface. He came to sit next to me. He couldn’t stop talking about how bad his back pain was, so like an idiot, I started massaging him. I could tell something was bothering him, he put his arm around me and I leaned into him. I looked at him in anticipation of what he was going to say.

*    *    *    *

Someone walked in, “You’re needed in room 3 Mr. A.” He acknowledged them and turned back to me. I smiled at him trying to hide the disappointment from my face. He got up and started walking away, then he turned around. My heart leapt. “So you think I could maybe have your number?” I felt an eruption of excitement burst out from under me.

“You think it’s that easy Mr A?” I teased. I saw a wicked glimmer in his eyes. He handed me his phone, I entered my number and handed it back. He smirked and walked away.

If you had seen G’s and my reaction at that point, PRICELESS! I can’t even begin to name those dance moves. Remembering these moments now, still makes me smile. It was so silly and so innocent and full of hope.

*    *    *    *

He told us he was going to take us to one of the bars in this city as our final hoorah. We were over the moon. And I say ‘over the moon’ because the bar had ‘Moon’ in its name. We got into his car, me in the front seat this time and G in the back. I didn’t have butterflies in my tummy. Butterflies sound way too dainty for whatever was happening in my stomach. It was like I had some corbeaux flapping around inside there.

We were drinking and having the times of our lives. We were laughing and singing, karaoking. Then he came behind me where I was sitting, there it was again, that glow in my heart, my body trembling. My confidence this time was on 1000 because I had some liquid courage. I turned around and smiled at him, remembering a conversation we had earlier in the day when he took me by my hand and led me outside, daring me to kiss him. When he held my hand, it was electric. No, I’m serious. I think there was actually an electric current. He leaned in, of course, the clown that I am, I thought he was still joking, so I started to do weird shit with my mouth, I didn’t expect him to make contact this time…

Fuck.

*    *    *    *

He looked utterly shocked. Homeboy sat on a chair looking like he saw a ghost. I’m pretty sure running through his mind was, “Kay, this bitch is a waste.” G and I laughed at his reaction for like 10 minutes until we decided to call an emergency bathroom meeting. “Do you think he really wanted to kiss me? Do you think I should do it?” We spent another 10 minutes consulting each other until I decided, whatever. I wanted a fling anyway. Yeah I was having all these weird feelings but he was the perfect candidate for a fling. So I went back outside all fired up.

*    *    *    *

I don’t know where this girl came from but I walked up to him on the chair he was sitting on, and I put my arms around him, I smiled at him then I leaned in and kissed him for real. Let me tell you. It was foot popping. I felt a heat surge through my body, it was like we were lifted up into the air. Our entire surroundings disappeared around us as our lips locked. It was just us in that moment. This went on for some time until we finally surfaced for air. I looked at him with my wicked grin, “Did I make up for my crazy kiss earlier?” And so, our first ‘kiss’ was from then on referred to as the crazy kiss that hooked him.

 *    *    *    *

He was going to drop us home, although I didn’t want the night to end. He needed gas. He asked if I’d come with, to which my response was “DUH!” That was the first night I ever saw a different side of him. Here we were, still more or less strangers. I sat in his car, he reached for my hand. Again, there it was, those sparks. I ignored it. I’m drunk. He raised my hands to his lips and gave me the most delicate kiss, my mind was racing. Either he’s really good at this game or he genuinely likes and cares for me. It was a strange and intense connection that neither of us could explain. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and started opening up to me about his grandma who had passed a couple months prior to our meeting. Every wall, every guard that I had put up around my heart had now disappeared. I just wanted to be there for him, to hold him. WTF. I barely even know him.

*    *    *    *

It was in this moment that I realized this was the beginning of my end.

Comments

  1. Kabeerah says:

    Well this made me super emotional. Amazing writing as usual !!

  2. Sarah Benjamin Paul says:

    More please 😍😍

  3. Great I agree with you.

  4. Aditi says:

    Every girl can def relate to this. I think it’s amazing that you are sharing this and I hope this has the happy ending we all hope for 😊

  5. Anonymous says:

    Cant wait for the next session

  6. Thanks for discussing your tale.

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