Part One: Life’s a bitch

Confesh-sesh #2 : If bad luck Bryan was a girl, he’d be bad luck Rala. Some people are born with a gold spoon in their mouth, me, I was born with a plastic spork. The most useless cutlery ever invented.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said , “Do one thing a day that scares you.” 

To be fair I heard this on a TV show I love and immediately fell in love with the quote. Then I researched it and was like dyam girl Eleanor, you spoke to me.

Starting this blog scares me, not just today but period. It wouldn’t be worth it if it didn’t make me scared or nervous. I decided to write a little more about myself before we get into the really good stuff… AWKS!

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Confesh-sesh 3#: How do you use social media? All I have is an instagram account.

If I were to begin to tell you just how computer illiterate I am, you’d be confused AF. I can’t even work Facebook, how do you even turn that thing on? Doh talk about Twitter, I never even attempted to use that thing once in my life. So bear with me for now with my lonely IG page.

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This island girl life is the best. I live where you vacation and all that shit. Lemme tell you eh, Trinidad sweet. Honestly, I think about it and there’s no place in the world I’d rather live. The things that make this island so great are so unique. The music, the culture, the food, CYANIVAL (my fave) and the language. I mean WA WE DOES REALLY BE SAYING?! What is ‘dotish’ or ‘coonoomoonoo”? Or even ‘WEY HE DEY?” Could you really tell me the origin of those words? And honestly, if you can, please school us in the comments down below.

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Another very characteristic thing we have going for us is that we take NOTHING seriously. I mean, even parliament is a joke. And EVERYTHING is ‘ah lime’. Well boy, public holiday? Night before the holiday party! Work day? After work lime! New job tomorrow? Take a drink for that! Storm? LIME! Place flood? Lime muss go on, row yuh boat and come. State of emergency? FETE! World War 3? I there with meh crew!

THAT my friends, I live for. Tell me where else in the world can you go and get that? Not to mention, during these limes and parties everyone puts everything aside and becomes one. No racism, no religion, no classism… We automatically just are all PADNAS joined together by some good hooch.

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Needless to say, the island itself is gorgine. The beaches and waterfalls and the flora and fauna and all that shit. And that’s enough #sappyshit for me.

The most gorgeous part about this place though, are our women. MY GAWD! Have you seen some of the women we produce here? Sometimes I legit just wanna stay in my house and never come out. It’s no surprise that we are listed in the top 10 most beautiful women in the world. Don’t believe me? Well Google tell me so and you know if it on the Internet what that mean! I am straight eh…I’d drink dick soup if I had a chance but GURLLSSS…REST MEH!

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I did mention before that I have a mom and dad who are both completely obsessed with me. Like it’s ridiculous. Kidding…Not really. I’m really close to both of my parents and have a really amazing friendship with them both. They are also quite humored by me which provides no sort of comfort whatsoever. I’m not sure if they’re laughing at me or with me half the times and I don’t know if it means I’m fucking old and speaking old people language. I mean my younger sisters can’t even relate to half the shit I’m saying…

My knee hurting! It might rain later.
I walk up the steps too hard and now my back hurting.
God boy! I feel I dislocate my hip again yes.

I don’t get it.

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My dad and I are very similar, like almost the same person with the same annoying traits so we butt heads quite often. Cuz ya know, 2 man rat cah live in the same hole. For the most part we get along pretty well and all of the attempts at him making me into the son he never had, have failed MISERABLY. Everything I had as a baby was blue and he used to dress me like a boy too! Probably the reason I overcompensate now with the pink and sparkles shooting out my ass.

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My mom can’t live without me. I wish this were an exaggeration but the woman is a class A clinger. She’s the clingiest mom I know. We spend so much time together that I’ve even started to look like her.

She quite enjoys my assholeness. In fact, she let me know recently that I’m the biggest asshole she ever met. ‘There are regular assholes, and then there’s you.’ Child protective services where you at? ANNDDD here she comes bouncing in my room as usual to tell me some shit. Right on time.

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So only one minute for absolute mush. This does not discredit me from being a bad bish. I really love my parents and they’re honestly the best parents a little fuck up like me could ask for. They try to give me everything I ask for, no matter how unreasonable, even if it means they have to go without. They are the best support system ever and I really don’t know what I’d do without them. Ok and that minute is over. 

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Back to me. I don’t even know how it became about them. I’m pretty much happy go lucky now. I’m still a chronic worry-er at times but I’m slowly turning into a WARRIOR. #warriorprincess I’m in a good mood 99% of the time and I’m always laughing, about what though I don’t know. My friends don’t get how I’m still jolly after all the shit that’s happened to me in my life but you know what? I’m going to continue walking on clouds.

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Makeup has become such a hobby and past time of mine and it provided an outlet for a lot of my down days. So it’s only fitting to incorporate something about makeup. I have zero talents. I really can’t do shit. So when I discovered makeup and was not terrible at it, I’m like look out world! 

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My luck is absolute trash. Imagine the worst possible scenario in any situation and bet your bottom dollar it happens to me. It’s like ‘Nerala again? Not even surprised.” Think of it like this, everyone’s doing some shit all the time and getting away with it. I won’t do it ‘cuz let’s be real, it’s me and I’m a rule follower BUT on the rare event that I do decide to do it, guarantee you, I get caught.

THE MOST rando shit ever happens to me and even if I were to try to explain half of it to you, you wouldn’t believe it. I have managed to lose a shit ton of helium balloons because I let them go to go into the car, I sufficiently embarrassed myself by saying the van uses CNMG gas, I managed to light myself on fire when cooking once and didn’t even realize and it gets worse, trust me.

I am QUEEN of damaging myself, in the dumbest and most confusing ways. I fall ALL the time. I don’t think I’m going through a gra. I think I am the gra…

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I really always wanted to write a book, but then came Netflix and the invention of memes,so maybe I can get my fix by writing on this blog. My inner drama queen needs to be released. The juicy stuff is just getting started…

PS sorry about this long, boring post.

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. Kabeerah says:

    LOVEEEEEEEEEEE

  2. Anonymous says:

    Confesh-sesh: I’m totally hooked already…. gimme moreeee

  3. Anonymous says:

    Omg I’m reading this and hearing Carrie Bradshaw’s voice 💁🏻 Absolutely in love, give me more to read 😍

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