Part Eighteen: Two Wrongs No Rights

Confesh-sesh #20: Opposites attract…If humans were charges we’d be stuck for life but we’re not and we repel and enter a vicious cycle…a vicious cycle of toxic shit…

It’s an interesting theory that opposites attract… It’s funny that we find ourselves attracted to people who are polar opposites to ourselves but what’s the initial attraction?

Similarity… Obviously.

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Someone sent me quite the article from curiousmindmagazine.com recently. The title, “The Brutal Truth About Toxic Relationships”. (There was more to the title but that was the part that stood out to me).

Let me just start by saying that no one in a toxic relationship thinks they’re in a toxic relationship. It’s one of those ‘can’t see from where you’re standing’ situations. Those around us usually tend to be the ones identifying it way before we even have a clue and start picking up signs.

What becomes normal for us, sometimes ends up being the very thing killing us…

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What is toxicity anyway? Toxicity is used to refer to something that is poisonous. Poison which is a substance with an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health. Anything that is harmful to us.

How then does a relationship become ‘toxic’? How does it have the capacity to destroy life or impair health? Well, I can tell you, that’s the best choice of word to describe some relationships, because all it does is destroy you and cause you to lose any semblance of sanity.

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How do we therefore even identify or understand that we may be in a toxic relationship? When do we realize and accept it? Moreso, when do we do something about it?

The article specifically focused on the relationship between an ’emapth’ and a ‘narcissist’. At this point you can take a second to identify which one you are.

Let’s be honest, most relationships are like this, it exists to some degree and extent where both parties aren’t always on the same page, or for want of a more crude term, they aren’t actually equals; I speak especially at this point about feelings.

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The article lays out one important fact, all narcissists are emotionally wounded people. It states, “Probably they have been feeling unappreciated and worthless in one period of their life which makes them constant ‘seekers’ for validation and admiration from others.” Anddd someone instantly popped into your mind.

Let’s step back for one minute. I do agree that narcissistic people do in someway have damaged self esteem. The more self assured they appear, the more they try to conceal their deep rooted insecurities. Every human in some form or fashion seeks ‘validation’. Everyone wants to be liked…Duh.

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In some way we all seek validation, be it from a parent, a sibling, a friend, a spouse, a  boss…We’re always seeking approval. Does that make us all a tad narcissistic? Probably… But I refuse to accept that. I believe that that makes us human and it’s in our nature to want to be liked and accepted. However, not when it consumes us, not when we become obsessed by other people’s perception of us that it changes who we are and definitely not when we try too hard to be accepted that we treat the ones who care for us the worst and jeopardize their feelings and affect their daily behaviors.

That is when arrogance turns you into a complete nars-hole. (Yes, I just crossed narcissist and asshole).

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The empaths were described as the healers of society. “They are highly sensitive and empathetic that they are able to feel the emotions of others as their own. They want to help and protect everyone in need and they will try to eliminate the pain and the emotional damage of narcissists.”

If that ain’t me… I don’t know what is.

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In some, if not most ways, that’s a huge downfall. Everyone else’s problems and burdens become my own and BOY! Processing my feelings, which we all already know is a SHIT TONNE, and others’? THUNDAAHHH!

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“The empath fails to see the narcissist’s dark side. A narcissistic person can suck out the soul from everyone they come into contact with. They feel validated by making others fragile and unbalanced and use them for future needs.”

PAUSE FOR EFFECT AS EVERYTHING IN LIFE FALLS INTO PLACE.

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An empath may not even realize they’re dealing with a narcissist because their sensitive nature makes them see only the good in everyone. This article may have well been written by me. The entire thing screams ME. It goes on to say that empaths tend to think that everyone is like them, that people are good at heart.

WOW.

We empaths suck. We’re so gullible.

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It’s all well and good, noble even, to think that everyone has a good heart. But gullible, naive and a little stupid.

People always tell me stories of things others have done and deep down, I’m always like there must have been some kind of reasoning or explanation for that behavior. I just get glares, because apparently my fairytale bubble is too huge.

‘People IS shit.’

Everyone has their own agenda and best interest to seek. That is the unfortunate truth about life. No one really cares about anyone but themselves. Can you fault them? No.

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And if by now you didn’t realize that Mr A was the narcissist and me, the empath… keep up! He tore me down to build himself up. We were toxic and I didn’t even know it. He broke my spirit and I was never ever the same. The more wounded I became, the more validation and support I sought from Mr A. And the less Mr A ever gave.

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Down and down we spiraled into the rabbit hole.

Image result for falling into the rabbit hole gif

Until I could no longer climb out. Until all that was left of me was a hollow shell…